An Autobiography

by Old Gray

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about

US customers can pre-order the 12" here:
http://brokenworldmedia (dot) bigcartel (dot) com

UK/EUR customers will eventually be able to pre-order the 12" here:
http://dogknightsproductions (dot) bigcartel (dot) com

credits

released 11 March 2013

Cameron Boucher: guitar, bass, vocals
Charlie Singer: drums, vocals
Raphael Bastek: guitar, bass, vocals
Nick Kwas: violin, vocals
Jon Lemay: vocals
Becca Cadalzo: vocals

Recorded and mixed at Dead Air Studios by Will Killingsworth.
Mastered by Matt Baltrucki.
Cover photography by Michi Tassey.
Album layout and design by Raphael Bastek.

Thank you, Derrick Shanholtzer-Dvorak, and everyone else at Broken World Media- this record wouldn't be possible without you.

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Old Gray New Hampshire

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Track Name: Wolves
Cam, Charlie, Raph, Nick, Jon: I’ve been digging a grave with the parts of my brain that still work. They’re burying me with my dead dreams, my dead dreams.

Cam: I still feel a heart that's beating but I can't feel love, I still feel a life inside me but I feel no blood. I still clench my teeth and I pull out my hair; my skin and bones are bare. I've been living with the weight of the world and the moon and the stars, burning in my eyes. I haven't seen clear in 19 years; will you please save my life?

Cam, Charlie, Raph, Nick, Jon: I’ve been digging a grave with the parts of my brain that still work. They’re burying me with my dead dreams, my dead dreams.
Track Name: Coventry
Cam: Did you think about all the things you said to me? Do you think that they helped quell the Hell in my head? In my heart I was torn apart. In my dreams I’ve been thinking of a way to disappear. Well my greatest fear was that I would disappoint all the ones I love, but I’ve been there and back. It’s not so hard when you can’t face yourself in the mirror. Did you think about all the things you said to me? Do you think that they helped quell the Hell in my head? In my heart I was torn apart. In my dreams I’ve been thinking of a way to disappear, so I’m growing out my hair.

Raph: So I’m growing out my hair.

Cam: So eventually I can cut ties with myself. I’m growing out my hair.

Raph: I’m growing out my hair.

Cam: So eventually I can cut ties with all that I’ve felt. And so I ask myself each night, will I wake to see the morning light? And as I fall asleep, I close my eyes and pray for a reason to breathe. I will keep breathing, but I won’t feel alive.

Cam, Charlie, Raph, Nick, Jon: I will keep breathing, but I won’t feel alive.

Cam: I will keep breathing, but I won’t feel alive.
Track Name: The Artist
Raph: If something in the past can teach me, I’ll look back to find it. I swear I’ll feel brave someday, just not yet.

Cam, Charlie, Raph, Nick, Jon: My heart stopped.

Cam: I’ve been cutting ties with emotion, I’ve been trying to get by without devotion. I didn't want to feel or smile or, better yet, didn't want to have to learn to feel things again.

Raph: What can I leave behind that will never fade? Where can I place my pride? Where will I find something that feels sincere? For every dream that I’m still trying to fill, I’ve had to let go of countless more. How do I know which ones to keep? How do I know if it’s not too late? Why now? I used to dream of being an artist; the world needed paint as bright as my visions. But love never shows it’s true colors – the world reflected black so I painted myself.
Track Name: Show Me How You Self Destruct
Charlie: My blinding distraction gone in seconds for hours of your wasted moments. I dug a grave for my purpose. Tuned in to a bright future sat front row as it crumbled and fell. Tie me up nice so I don’t have to feel this relief flowing through my veins I traded my soul for a rush, my fix, now I hurt without, even with. Always chasing always hating ever loving never enough my subconscious effort not to succeed. Where did my refuge go? You used to hold me, now we embrace and you turn your back.
Track Name: The Graduate
Raph: I’m still surrounded by these four blank walls. Every picture I’ve painted has been taken down. The only difference: I don’t forget the stars anymore. I still believe they will never collapse. Maybe I’m just naïve but I wish and wish and wish. Why am I so unsure? Why do both the past and future haunt me now? Maybe I’ll leave this town when my fears become too strong; maybe I’ll leave this town when the last star falls.

Cam, Raph: Maybe I’ll leave this town when my fears become too strong.

Raph: Maybe I’ll leave this town when my fears become too strong; maybe I’ll leave this town when the last star falls.
Track Name: Emily's First Communion
Cam: I watched the sun set in your eyes for the last time. I thought you died that night. You called me to tell me you wouldn’t survive. I heard the wind blowing through your hair.

Becca, Cam: I would’ve given anything to be there. I could have sworn that I was. It’s not that I want to die, I just want to disappear.

Raph: Do you think that I still dream of you or long for the warmth that your body would provide? Winter has never felt like it lasted for so long, but I’ve grown used to the cold, and I know that you see there’s no warmth where you are.

Becca: So I embrace the parts of myself that I long to change.

Raph: Is this the face that you were waiting to see?

Becca: I embrace the parts that I hate because they remind me of when we were nearly the same.

Raph: Find me where eyes are afraid to meet, where held hands can cripple fingers. That’s how strong our love could be. But I’m still so scared.

Cam, Raph: I am so scared by the things I cannot see. Like the simple idea I don’t keep you up at night with a smile tickling of your mouth. Share my collapse, there’s enough weight here to bury us both.

Becca, Cam, Raph: It’s just another dream.

Becca, Cam, Charlie, Jon, Nick, Raph: It’s just another dream.
Track Name: I Still Think About Who I Was Last Summer
Cam: Well I’ve changed except my heart still beats too fast and my lungs still collapse and my legs still shake. I once thought love was real when we sat atop that hill and looked at cars below. We used to grow. You kissed me on the forehead and told me that you’d never let go. You told me that you’d love me until the end. Which begs the question, are we now dead? The person I thought I knew must be the person I once trusted until my bones rusted over in the snow we used to grow like the tallest tree in my background I used to know. Well happiness and joy and bliss, how it all disappeared so quick. So here’s to life and here’s to love. I’ve said it before, that I fade with the setting sun.

Charlie: My ears are still ringing from the sound of your broken heart, beating faster than thought, caught in your stare, so encompassing. All resolve is lost as words fall from your lips, my trembling fingertips held out in question. So shake hands with regret, set to slip away. Your eyes crossing, rivers flowing under your pale feet. As the moments count down to flames, meet and greet death, he wears a cloak of your hopes and dreams, quenched like the raging fire they were once. You’re the breath he never found; you are the closed eyes peacefully resting while those around you are torn to pieces. You’re the smoke I pull to escape from thought of you. No touch, no shadow cast into mind, your hand fervidly held at your side as memories of you flow through mine an empty space more lonesome for what it has lost. You’re the sunset smile thundering out of a careless moment, you’re the tightly closed fingers holding in a breath. If you would stay here with me, one more minute, I would steal the world.