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about

I wrote this song mid-September of 2011, before the split with Girl Scouts was even written or released. Though the instrumental part of the song has changed drastically since it was first written, the lyrics remained the same. From the moment I wrote these lyrics until present day, I think this is the most important song I have ever written.

This entire song is about drug/alcohol abuse, with half of it directed at my old best friend and the rest directed at my parents. The way that sentence was worded makes it seem as if my parents are drug/alcohol abusers but that is not the case in the slightest. My friend and I were incredibly close ever since we were toddlers (despite the initial language barrier, as he only spoke English and I only spoke Polish) but, as the years went on, he became more involved with drugs and alcohol, allowing it to really consume his life. Even after rehabilitation, he still relapsed and it really put a strain on our friendship, just when it was starting to strengthen again. Looking at his wasted potential as an example, I told myself I would hold off on drinking and that I would never do drugs. However, it was a promise that I couldn't keep and I got arrested near the end of 2011. I was put on a year's probation and the line "This time next year..." is me speaking to my parents.

I'm really glad that my friend Casey was able to do some guest vocals on this track. Casey was the next best friend I made after I met the one who this song is about. However, unlike him, Casey and I are still incredibly close and I love him as a person and a musician. I suppose it's fitting that Casey helped with vocals for this song since he is and always has been straight-edge.

The original title of this song was, "My Life On Bath Salts." I chose that title shortly after being arrested because, while in jail, there was a man in solitary confinement who was on bath salts. He was screaming belligerently and continued to punch the walls of his room and himself until the police had to intervene. I figured that this was a pretty good representation for what someone's life could become if they were consumed by drug abuse. However, in the time since then, a number of bath salts-related stories ended up in the news, with very bizarre results. Because of this, I felt listeners would not take this song seriously. As this is the most serious song I have ever personally written, I couldn't stand for that. The revised title is simply how long it had been since I last felt that my friend had a reasonable grasp on his own life. Now it's seven years.

Instrumentally, I was trying to achieve the same result as with "Winter '11." I was growing very tired of the sound we had as a band and I was, and am, more drawn to bands such as Kidcrash, Daïtro and Alessa. The heavy part at the end of the song (after the vocals finish) actually wasn't included originally but I felt like the song was missing something and wasn't as intense as I wanted it so it was added after we began demo-ing the song out. It's now my favorite part in the song so I'm glad it happened.

-Raphael

lyrics

[Sound clip from the pilot episode of Freaks & Geeks]

Lindsay: Sam. Did Mom and Dad tell you I was the only one with Grandma when she died?
Sam: No.
Lindsay: Yeah. They went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. And all the sudden Grandma looked so terrified. I didn't know what to do. She grabbed my hand, told me she didn't want to go. She looked so scared, Sam. I said, Well, you know, can you see God or Heaven or a light or anything?
Sam: What did she say?
Lindsay: No. There's nothing.

[End of sound clip]

Raphael: If I close my eyes for a breath too long, can I ever wake up again, or will i sleep for good? Can you see me in your dreams? Can you see me in your sleep? At times I get so lonely, but I guess you wouldn't know- the person I miss most is you six years ago. And at times I hear you're smiling and I think I understand why I thought you threw away everything you had.

Raphael and Casey: This time next year, will I have the courage to say, "I'm sorry- are you still proud of me?"

credits

from Everything I Let Go & The Things I Refuse To, released November 11, 2012
Cameron Boucher plays bass and does vocals.

Raphael Bastek plays guitar and does vocals.

Charlie Singer plays drums.

Casey Nealon does vocals.

Freaks and Geeks is Copyright © Dreamworks Television. All Rights Reserved.

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