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about

I wrote this song, unsurprisingly, during the winter months between 2011 and 2012. At this time, I was struggling trying to find satisfaction in my surroundings, whether it be the people or the environment around me, and felt very isolated even though I had plenty of friends and a very supportive family. Every day seemed to just blend into the next and, despite the fact that many others around me expressed similar feelings, no one, including myself, seemed to bother to change anything to improve our respective situations.

The Polish lines are in reference to a girl (The only lines I wrote for this album that are about a girl) that I was dating at the time. I come from a heavy Polish background (I am a first-generation American) and my girlfriend always asked me to speak to her in Polish. Sometimes, when frustrated with her, I would ask her questions such as the ones in the song but then translate it differently when she asked what I said.

The final lines reflect back on the idea of being isolated even when surrounded by people who care for you and love you. They also reflect the idea of moving on and not being afraid to change what makes you unhappy.

Instrumentally, this song was part of my effort for the band to move away from the midwestern-emo style of music that played such a heavy influence on our older material and instead draw on a darker and more intense sound. Although this song was written after "Six Years", I think the two songs really mesh well and lead into one another stylistically perfectly.

-Raphael

lyrics

Raphael: Every day is the same charade: weary ghosts frequenting their favorite haunts. We're all tired but no one ever moves.

Cameron: No effort is made until we forget and fade away.

Raphael: I always found it strange how you found comfort when I spoke in foreign tongue. (In Polish) What do you want from me that you cannot say? What do you want from me that I cannot do?

Charlie: And my words collapsed like the lungs you've overused, for I've wasted my best fleeting hopes, but they weren't you. I keep my eyes firmly closed, hoping I won't see your face. But you are everywhere a shadow, and I am so alone. I am so alone.

Raphael: But what are ghosts except memories we can't let go?

Cameron and Raphael: Today I am what I never was: I am truly alone. Tomorrow I'll be what I wish I were today: I won't be afraid anymore.

credits

from Everything I Let Go & The Things I Refuse To, released November 11, 2012
Cameron Boucher plays bass and does vocals.

Raphael Bastek plays guitar and does vocals.

Charlie Singer plays drums and does vocals.

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Old Gray New Hampshire

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