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Everything I Let Go & The Things I Refuse To

by Old Gray

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While it's certainly open to interpretation, for us, this album is about moving on, in more ways than one. We're moving on from past problems, from past regrets, from past memories. We're moving on from our old sound, from midwestern emo, from high school. We hope these songs make you feel as cathartic listening to them as they made us feel when we wrote them.

If you are interested in our explanations behind each song, simply click on the individual track titles- we explained the thought process behind the majority of the lyrics.


released November 11, 2012

Produced by Zak Ickes and Cameron Boucher
Mastered by Michael Butterly

Cameron Boucher performs vocals on tracks two and three, guitar on tracks one and two, bass on tracks three and four, and piano on track one.

Raphael Bastek performs vocals on tracks three and four, guitar on tracks three and four, and bass on tracks one and two.

Charlie singer performs vocals on tracks one, two and three and drums on all tracks.

Casey Nealon performs vocals on track four.

Thank you to Andrew Mcshan, Ashley Wood and Jesse Warner for being our friends and for supporting us as a band and releasing this on a 7" with their respective labels.

Additional thanks to Casey Nealon and Spencer Benson for allowing us to borrow their gear and for being great friends. Thank you to Zak Ickes for recording us once again and for remaining patient through all of our hijinks. Thank you to Michael Butterly for mastering this release. Finally, thank you to our families and to everyone who ever supported us by coming to a show, purchasing merchandise, or by simply saying hello.

The sound clip at the beginning of "Six Years" is from the pilot episode of Freaks and Geeks. Freaks and Geeks is Copyright © Dreamworks Television. All Rights Reserved.



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Track Name: 359 Pine
Charlie: Ailments become fragments of my imagination; I am encumbered by nothing. Hands in hand with a ghost of your former self, someone I once held away from the torments of situation; no longer am I strong enough- another voice has taken over, controlling, binding, leaving the person I am- fucking helpless, awaiting its next consensus. A face that is not there taunts me, breathing the same air that she held in her lungs, breaking, for it all seems so familiar. I have been lost and faded into this place, waking only to find it still surrounds me, blotting out the pain but with it, the comfort. For I was a being existing but absent of life, selective thoughts showing only bliss. Sifting through tarnished images of a past you were a part of, mind blanketed by memories- the ghost of your former self, someone I once held and time stood still. Time stood still, at least to us. At least to us.
Track Name: Resonance
Cameron: How I wish i could go back to the day where my heart was still working and I still had a brain, where I felt no pain. But that ship has sailed, it's been lost out at sea for too long- it has been just you and me for too long. How I wish you could see how much you mean to me; how I long for your smile, how I long for our home. Most nights I can't sleep; I lie in my bed thinking, "What is left of me?" I lie in my bed reminiscing on past dreams. I'm tired of living while drowning inside. I'm so tired of dying each night.
Track Name: Winter '11
Raphael: Every day is the same charade: weary ghosts frequenting their favorite haunts. We're all tired but no one ever moves.

Cameron: No effort is made until we forget and fade away.

Raphael: I always found it strange how you found comfort when I spoke in foreign tongue. (In Polish) What do you want from me that you cannot say? What do you want from me that I cannot do?

Charlie: And my words collapsed like the lungs you've overused, for I've wasted my best fleeting hopes, but they weren't you. I keep my eyes firmly closed, hoping I won't see your face. But you are everywhere a shadow, and I am so alone. I am so alone.

Raphael: But what are ghosts except memories we can't let go?

Cameron and Raphael: Today I am what I never was: I am truly alone. Tomorrow I'll be what I wish I were today: I won't be afraid anymore.
Track Name: Six Years
[Sound clip from the pilot episode of Freaks & Geeks]

Lindsay: Sam. Did Mom and Dad tell you I was the only one with Grandma when she died?
Sam: No.
Lindsay: Yeah. They went down to the cafeteria to get some coffee. And all the sudden Grandma looked so terrified. I didn't know what to do. She grabbed my hand, told me she didn't want to go. She looked so scared, Sam. I said, Well, you know, can you see God or Heaven or a light or anything?
Sam: What did she say?
Lindsay: No. There's nothing.

[End of sound clip]

Raphael: If I close my eyes for a breath too long, can I ever wake up again, or will i sleep for good? Can you see me in your dreams? Can you see me in your sleep? At times I get so lonely, but I guess you wouldn't know- the person I miss most is you six years ago. And at times I hear you're smiling and I think I understand why I thought you threw away everything you had.

Raphael and Casey: This time next year, will I have the courage to say, "I'm sorry- are you still proud of me?"